There are some things, that try as I might... I just don't fucking understand. Maybe someone can explain to me why these items exist in this life... Below my list RAW AND UNCENSORED
Bacon bits, Bacon Flakes , Bacon Seasoning. What President approved this imposter? I want to know immediately so I can take my vote back or add it to the reasons of why I didn't vote. Why in God's name would anyone want to sprinkle this shit on anything? Do you like slightly pink tinged epidermis on top of your salad ? How about broken down heel shavings on your baked potato? Do you have gills? No, you say? Okay then, please refrain from eating something that looks identical to what you are feeding Nemo. Eat the real thing. How many bears do you know that go around eating fake people, or whatever the fuck bears eat? How many men go around eating fake vagina? Enjoy this life. Eat the real thing. Eat bacon. Make love to it. Take it for a spin in your convertible. It deserves to be loved over, and over again. It's so fucking delicious. You mock the bacon by partaking in this sham. Stop it now.
Wedge Tennis Shoes. Isn't this just a ghetto-fied wedge bootie with velcro straps? Why not just wear wedge booties instead of making my eyes bleed with this abominable excuse for a shoe? Don't confuse me with your shoes. I will hate you forever. Pick one. Pick either a Rebook Classic High Top or a bootie. For the love of Christ in the sky.. PLEASE ~ Do not do both. It makes zero sense. NO one in the 80s ever said "Ooohhh I love my Freestyle Reeboks, but I long for a bit of a wedge " No one ever said that because there was a thing called Wallabies. Stop the confusion. Keep each shoe in it's appropriate genre. Thank you moving on.
Men who rape my ears everyday at 7:52 a.m. in the parking structure with the windows rolled down and a Pantera/Usher/Trinere concert streaming out of their car. The year is 2014. If you have speakers in your car that sounds like whooping cough, you need to die. I shouldn't generalize, and say " Men " because every now and again there will be a woman in a mini van, with her brow furrowed, concentrating really hard on the lyrics to " Roar " by Katy Pery. I mean I get it, you have a mini van- so I guess you are excused, let the world hear you roar. The rest of you, this Macbeth charade has got to STOP. There is nothing poetic about rolling in to work in rainy, hot, earthquake, sandstorm, blizzard, hail, fire, with your windows rolled down so I can hear your $5 sound system from Radio Shack.
What do you think this is? Coachella? Roll up your windows and make YOUR ears explode asshole, leave mine the fuck alone. If I wanted to listen to seals barking I would go to the aquarium.
*I will be adding more to this list - because there are plenty of things that I do not comprende.
Stay Tuned for updates!
